How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg- lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. -- sh, it happens
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Before the marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes. *?*?*?
Now after the marriage, you can read it from BOTTOM to up !!!!
Bad joke ha!
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes. *?*?*?
Now after the marriage, you can read it from BOTTOM to up !!!!
Bad joke ha!
Honey not tonight
I have never understood why the sexual urge of men and women differ so Much.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into Bed, the passion starts to heat up, when she eventually said "I don't feel Like it, I just want you to hold me."I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to Hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She then responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me For who I am and not for what I do in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to Sleep...The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend Time with her. We went out to a good lunch and then went shopping at a very big Department store. I walked around with her while she tried on Several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said "Let's get a pair for each outfit". We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I Was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she then asked for A tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this Is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I Don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?" I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a While. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me To satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I Added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently there's no sex tonight either.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into Bed, the passion starts to heat up, when she eventually said "I don't feel Like it, I just want you to hold me."I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to Hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She then responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me For who I am and not for what I do in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to Sleep...The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend Time with her. We went out to a good lunch and then went shopping at a very big Department store. I walked around with her while she tried on Several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said "Let's get a pair for each outfit". We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I Was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she then asked for A tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this Is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I Don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?" I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a While. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me To satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I Added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently there's no sex tonight either.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Mean Moms
Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent,
I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:
I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.
I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes.
Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.
I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.
Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.
Was your Mom mean? I know mine was.
We had the meanest mother in the whole world!
While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.
She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head.
Then, life was really tough!
Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime.
It was all her fault.
Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was. I think that is what's wrong with the world today.
It just doesn't have enough mean moms!
I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:
I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.
I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes.
Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.
I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.
Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.
Was your Mom mean? I know mine was.
We had the meanest mother in the whole world!
While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.
She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head.
Then, life was really tough!
Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime.
It was all her fault.
Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was. I think that is what's wrong with the world today.
It just doesn't have enough mean moms!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
A Soulful Relationship
by Reverend Ronald McFadden
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend.
If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice email.
Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer.
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend.
If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice email.
Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer.
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Say 'I love you' -- in so many ways
Every day is a good day to perform acts of love that touch, change lives
Love can be found in smile, a wink, a song, a poem or batch of cookies
Acts of love and kindness remind us what really matters
Visit sick friend, help build house with Habitat for Humanity
By Sandra Magsamen
(OPRAH.com)
A man from Vermont got into the habit of leaving his wife little notes. Nothing elaborate -- just sweet sentiments like "I love you" or "I can't wait to get home to you tonight," jotted down on Post-it notes and then hidden in places where he knew she'd stumble over them throughout the course of her day.
She'd open a drawer or reach into a kitchen cabinet and find a hidden note. From inside the dog food bin, to the laundry hamper, to the driver's seat of her car, the notes were everywhere.
He was in the military and he was shipped out during the early days of the war in Iraq, where he was killed in action. On the morning of the funeral, his young widow put on her winter coat, placed her hands in her pockets, and found the last two notes which he had hidden there for her before he had left home. Knowing exactly what they were, she slowly pulled them out of her pockets.
The first one read, "I will always love you." And the other read, "We will always be together." Did he know the circumstances under which she'd find them? It was hard to say. You can imagine the sorrow she felt as she read them, but think how lucky she was to have had a husband who managed to reach out with a final, loving gesture.
Like this wonderful man, all of us can create ways everyday that say, "I love you." I know it's almost Valentine's Day, and we have come to think of only this day as LOVE day but instead, I am suggesting that we think of EVERY DAY as an opportunity to put a little love in the world.
There is an old saying that goes something like this, "Love doesn't make the world go round, but it sure makes the ride worth while." You see, real joy and true happiness are found when we tell someone we care and show them how special they are in our lives.
When I say love, I do not only mean the kind where two people are locking lips and coming up for air every 10 minutes or so. I am talking about the kind of love that embraces everyone who has a presence in our lives. The kind of love I am talking about extends throughout our circle of life, touching family, friends and co-workers. Oprah.com How to show your loved ones you care
I am talking about the kind of love where a woman gives her birthday bouquet away to a co- worker because the co-worker has had some rough financial times and can not afford to purchase a gift for her niece. The woman believes her birthday bouquet will be even more special when the co-worker gives it to her niece.
Or, when everyone at a hair salon contributes to making a quilt for their friend who has just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The quilt was filled with their well wishes and served as their own special way to cover their sick friend with love.
An act of love is present when a woman grows out her red silky hair, just so that it could be pulled back in a pony tail and cut to be donated to Locks of Love, a company that makes beautiful wigs for women who have lost their hair to chemotherapy treatments as they battle cancer.
Love is also found within a retired woman who decides to raise money so she can go to Africa where she can best tend to and take care of orphaned children who are affected by HIV and AIDS.
We all know stories like these and we each have our own stories to tell, to inspire us and remind us what really matters. It is in these acts of kindness where the joy of living is found. These acts of love are everywhere, and when we turn our eyes and hearts to them, they touch and change our lives forever.
Defining what love is has been the work of poets and philosophers throughout time, but it's our job too. It is something we all know when we feel it, but words simply are not adequate enough to define it.
Love is so many things -- a feeling, an intention and a thank you. It is compassionate, it is generous, it is funny, it is serious, it breaks our hearts and yet it heals all things. Love is expressed in a trillion ways, it is found in a smile, blowing a kiss, a wink, a song, a poem, a word or even a batch of chocolate chip cookies. There is so much to say about love, but the heart of the matter is, we all want to be loved and we all want to love. Oprah.com: Great ways to celebrate Valentine's Day
This Valentine's Day, remember that there are so many ways to say, "I love you." Be a mentor. Teach someone to read. Sit a while with someone who is lonely. Volunteer. Serve food at a shelter. Make art with kids. Compliment someone. Listen to what someone has to say.
Visit a friend who is sick. Wave to the women sitting in the window at a nursing home. Tell someone you are thinking about them. Be a role model. Work to build a house with Habitat for Humanity. Lend a hand at the local fire hall. Use your money generously. Walk for what you believe in -- peace, breast cancer research and life. Comfort someone when they are sad. Walk your neighbor's dog. Participate in a food drive. Bake or buy something from a bake sale. Donate the clothes you do not wear from your closet, and you will have loved with all of your heart.
By Sandra Magsamen from the Oprah.com Exclusive "Valentine's Day" © 2009
Subscribe to O, The Oprah Magazine for up to 75% off the newsstand price. That's like getting 18 issues FREE. Subscribe now!
TM & © 2009 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Love can be found in smile, a wink, a song, a poem or batch of cookies
Acts of love and kindness remind us what really matters
Visit sick friend, help build house with Habitat for Humanity
By Sandra Magsamen
(OPRAH.com)
A man from Vermont got into the habit of leaving his wife little notes. Nothing elaborate -- just sweet sentiments like "I love you" or "I can't wait to get home to you tonight," jotted down on Post-it notes and then hidden in places where he knew she'd stumble over them throughout the course of her day.
She'd open a drawer or reach into a kitchen cabinet and find a hidden note. From inside the dog food bin, to the laundry hamper, to the driver's seat of her car, the notes were everywhere.
He was in the military and he was shipped out during the early days of the war in Iraq, where he was killed in action. On the morning of the funeral, his young widow put on her winter coat, placed her hands in her pockets, and found the last two notes which he had hidden there for her before he had left home. Knowing exactly what they were, she slowly pulled them out of her pockets.
The first one read, "I will always love you." And the other read, "We will always be together." Did he know the circumstances under which she'd find them? It was hard to say. You can imagine the sorrow she felt as she read them, but think how lucky she was to have had a husband who managed to reach out with a final, loving gesture.
Like this wonderful man, all of us can create ways everyday that say, "I love you." I know it's almost Valentine's Day, and we have come to think of only this day as LOVE day but instead, I am suggesting that we think of EVERY DAY as an opportunity to put a little love in the world.
There is an old saying that goes something like this, "Love doesn't make the world go round, but it sure makes the ride worth while." You see, real joy and true happiness are found when we tell someone we care and show them how special they are in our lives.
When I say love, I do not only mean the kind where two people are locking lips and coming up for air every 10 minutes or so. I am talking about the kind of love that embraces everyone who has a presence in our lives. The kind of love I am talking about extends throughout our circle of life, touching family, friends and co-workers. Oprah.com How to show your loved ones you care
I am talking about the kind of love where a woman gives her birthday bouquet away to a co- worker because the co-worker has had some rough financial times and can not afford to purchase a gift for her niece. The woman believes her birthday bouquet will be even more special when the co-worker gives it to her niece.
Or, when everyone at a hair salon contributes to making a quilt for their friend who has just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The quilt was filled with their well wishes and served as their own special way to cover their sick friend with love.
An act of love is present when a woman grows out her red silky hair, just so that it could be pulled back in a pony tail and cut to be donated to Locks of Love, a company that makes beautiful wigs for women who have lost their hair to chemotherapy treatments as they battle cancer.
Love is also found within a retired woman who decides to raise money so she can go to Africa where she can best tend to and take care of orphaned children who are affected by HIV and AIDS.
We all know stories like these and we each have our own stories to tell, to inspire us and remind us what really matters. It is in these acts of kindness where the joy of living is found. These acts of love are everywhere, and when we turn our eyes and hearts to them, they touch and change our lives forever.
Defining what love is has been the work of poets and philosophers throughout time, but it's our job too. It is something we all know when we feel it, but words simply are not adequate enough to define it.
Love is so many things -- a feeling, an intention and a thank you. It is compassionate, it is generous, it is funny, it is serious, it breaks our hearts and yet it heals all things. Love is expressed in a trillion ways, it is found in a smile, blowing a kiss, a wink, a song, a poem, a word or even a batch of chocolate chip cookies. There is so much to say about love, but the heart of the matter is, we all want to be loved and we all want to love. Oprah.com: Great ways to celebrate Valentine's Day
This Valentine's Day, remember that there are so many ways to say, "I love you." Be a mentor. Teach someone to read. Sit a while with someone who is lonely. Volunteer. Serve food at a shelter. Make art with kids. Compliment someone. Listen to what someone has to say.
Visit a friend who is sick. Wave to the women sitting in the window at a nursing home. Tell someone you are thinking about them. Be a role model. Work to build a house with Habitat for Humanity. Lend a hand at the local fire hall. Use your money generously. Walk for what you believe in -- peace, breast cancer research and life. Comfort someone when they are sad. Walk your neighbor's dog. Participate in a food drive. Bake or buy something from a bake sale. Donate the clothes you do not wear from your closet, and you will have loved with all of your heart.
By Sandra Magsamen from the Oprah.com Exclusive "Valentine's Day" © 2009
Subscribe to O, The Oprah Magazine for up to 75% off the newsstand price. That's like getting 18 issues FREE. Subscribe now!
TM & © 2009 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Staying Alive: Four Reasons Why Women Are Better Survivors Than Men
by The Staff at wowOwow.com, on Mon Jan 26, 2009 6:37am PST
By Ben Sherwood
Men are stronger, tougher and more resilient than women. At least that’s what our culture (and stereotypes) pound into our heads. Consider the hit television show "Survivor" on CBS. In 17 completed seasons, only seven women have managed to outmaneuver and outlast everyone else and win. In real life, the numbers are entirely different. Indeed, women are much better survivors than men. I discovered this surprising fact in the woods of Washington State, where the United States Air Force trains its people in the art of survival, evasion, resistance and escape (shorthand: SERE). When I asked a hard-nosed instructor if he can tell immediately who’s got the survival instinct and who doesn’t, his answer was unexpected. After putting countless men and women through very uncomfortable survival training – translation: wet, cold, exhausting and hungry – it turns out that women rule, especially moms. In this instructor’s experience, women who have gone through childbirth frequently fare better than the most strapping aviators. Under extreme pressure and deprivation, he says, the brawniest men can crumble like blue cheese while moms hang tough.Obviously, your chances of survival depend on specific circumstances (and men definitely possess certain physical advantages), but the Air Force instructor wanted to make a point: Moms are impressively unflinching in the face of adversity. After all, he explains, moms have handled real pain. They understand sacrifice. They’re driven by a purpose greater than themselves. They’re problem solvers and multitaskers. They’re accustomed to delaying gratification. In short, they’re very effective survivors.If the ultimate measure of survival is who stays alive longest, here’s another fact: Around the world, women out-survive men every day. In the United States, the female survival advantage is around 5.3 years.Why are women better survivors on average? There are many reasons, including:1. Women Play It Safer: The numbers are telling. Especially in their younger years, more men die in accidents than women. More men are murdered than women. More men commit suicide than women. During the so-called "testosterone storm," experts say, men simply do more dangerous things, like playing with guns.2. Women Deal With Pain: Women feel more pain than men — they’re more sensitive to it — but they handle it better. In fact, according to one study, women experience 40 percent more arthritis pain than men, but they cope with it more effectively, bounce back faster and are less likely to let it take over their lives. As one pain researcher says of women, "With greater vulnerability comes greater strength."3. Women Are Better Drivers: Risking a heated argument, consider the numbers. On average, men have a 77-percent greater risk of losing their lives in a car accident than women, according to Traffic STATS. To be sure, men are cited for reckless driving 3.4 times more often than women, according to Quality Planning, a company that checks policyholder information for car insurance companies. They also get around five percent more traffic violations that result in accidents. And men are more prone to breaking speeding, passing and yielding laws. In short, guys die more often in car wrecks.4. Women Are Just Plain Healthier:When you look at the 15 leading causes of death, men outrank women (except for Alzheimer’s). Women stay alive longer because they smoke and drink less. They eat better too — especially less red meat. And they cope with stress more effectively.Note to Men: Don’t despair. The women’s survival advantage has been eroding since the 1970s, especially as more women have gotten hooked on cigarettes. Experts say men – and women – can immediately increase life expectancy with a few changes. Eat right, move your body more, stop smoking and de-stress. If men want to win in the gender war of survival, it’s as simple – and difficult – as that.
By Ben Sherwood
Men are stronger, tougher and more resilient than women. At least that’s what our culture (and stereotypes) pound into our heads. Consider the hit television show "Survivor" on CBS. In 17 completed seasons, only seven women have managed to outmaneuver and outlast everyone else and win. In real life, the numbers are entirely different. Indeed, women are much better survivors than men. I discovered this surprising fact in the woods of Washington State, where the United States Air Force trains its people in the art of survival, evasion, resistance and escape (shorthand: SERE). When I asked a hard-nosed instructor if he can tell immediately who’s got the survival instinct and who doesn’t, his answer was unexpected. After putting countless men and women through very uncomfortable survival training – translation: wet, cold, exhausting and hungry – it turns out that women rule, especially moms. In this instructor’s experience, women who have gone through childbirth frequently fare better than the most strapping aviators. Under extreme pressure and deprivation, he says, the brawniest men can crumble like blue cheese while moms hang tough.Obviously, your chances of survival depend on specific circumstances (and men definitely possess certain physical advantages), but the Air Force instructor wanted to make a point: Moms are impressively unflinching in the face of adversity. After all, he explains, moms have handled real pain. They understand sacrifice. They’re driven by a purpose greater than themselves. They’re problem solvers and multitaskers. They’re accustomed to delaying gratification. In short, they’re very effective survivors.If the ultimate measure of survival is who stays alive longest, here’s another fact: Around the world, women out-survive men every day. In the United States, the female survival advantage is around 5.3 years.Why are women better survivors on average? There are many reasons, including:1. Women Play It Safer: The numbers are telling. Especially in their younger years, more men die in accidents than women. More men are murdered than women. More men commit suicide than women. During the so-called "testosterone storm," experts say, men simply do more dangerous things, like playing with guns.2. Women Deal With Pain: Women feel more pain than men — they’re more sensitive to it — but they handle it better. In fact, according to one study, women experience 40 percent more arthritis pain than men, but they cope with it more effectively, bounce back faster and are less likely to let it take over their lives. As one pain researcher says of women, "With greater vulnerability comes greater strength."3. Women Are Better Drivers: Risking a heated argument, consider the numbers. On average, men have a 77-percent greater risk of losing their lives in a car accident than women, according to Traffic STATS. To be sure, men are cited for reckless driving 3.4 times more often than women, according to Quality Planning, a company that checks policyholder information for car insurance companies. They also get around five percent more traffic violations that result in accidents. And men are more prone to breaking speeding, passing and yielding laws. In short, guys die more often in car wrecks.4. Women Are Just Plain Healthier:When you look at the 15 leading causes of death, men outrank women (except for Alzheimer’s). Women stay alive longer because they smoke and drink less. They eat better too — especially less red meat. And they cope with stress more effectively.Note to Men: Don’t despair. The women’s survival advantage has been eroding since the 1970s, especially as more women have gotten hooked on cigarettes. Experts say men – and women – can immediately increase life expectancy with a few changes. Eat right, move your body more, stop smoking and de-stress. If men want to win in the gender war of survival, it’s as simple – and difficult – as that.
Friday, February 6, 2009
8 Safeguards Against Getting too CloseBy
Jill Savage
The young mom chatted with me after a Hearts at Home conference. "Have you ever thought about having a conference for stay-at-home dads?" she asked. "There's a stay-at-home dad in our neighborhood who's become my best friend. We take the kids to the park, shop, and even do our once-a-month cooking together. He's a great guy!"
Sirens, whistles, and red flags went off in my head. I wanted to scream, "No! Don't be naïve. Remove the blinders! Put boundaries in place and build a hedge of protection around your marriage!" It was obvious she had no idea about the danger of this seemingly harmless situation.
My husband, Mark, and I spend countless hours mentoring hurting marriages. We counsel others based on our own "back from the brink" experience many years ago when our marriage seemed hopeless. Many of these couples are dealing with damage caused by infidelity. The story is always the same: the unfaithful spouse develops a relationship that started as an innocent friendship. It was someone to talk to who listened and cared.
We know that story all too well. Even though no lines of unfaithfulness were crossed in our marriage, at the most difficult time of our relationship, I experienced attraction for a man I worked with. Luckily I realized the dangerous place I was in and got honest with Mark. We recognized the need for establishing boundaries in our personal lives that exist specifically to keep temptation at bay.
The Bible tells us that "each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death" (James 1:14-15). Temptation, enticement, desire, sin, death …. those are the steps infidelity takes. Because of that, we have to put boundaries in place that keep us from stepping into situations where temptation can take place.
As we talk to hurting couples about advance decisions needed to protect our marriages, we use as an example the line of trees along the west side of our house. The previous owners had wisely planted the trees to provide a hedge of protection against the winds that rage across the cornfields. When the hedge of trees was planted on our property, each tree was planted individually. As the trees grew in size and strength they worked together to protect our home from the unpredictable weather and wind.
In the same way, we need to plant a hedge of protection around our marriage, that is, we need to make advance decisions that will keep temptation at bay and the marriage a priority. Each hedge that we plant around our marriage will do the same. Each time we make one advance decision to protect our marriage we are on our way to building a marriage that is marked by faithfulness and on its way to lasting a lifetime.
Hedge 1: Choose wisely. Avoid unnecessarily spending time with someone of the opposite sex. For instance, if you're looking for a personal trainer at the local gym, choose someone of the same sex.
Hedge 2: Share carefully. If you find yourself sharing things about yourself or your marriage that you haven't or wouldn't share with your spouse, that's a red flag. Not all affairs are physical-an emotional affair is just as damaging.
Hedge 3: Stay in large, public settings. Determine not to meet one-on-one with anyone of the opposite sex. If your coworker asks if he or she can join you for lunch, ask a third person to join you as well. If necessary, don't hesitate to share the boundary you and your spouse have agreed upon in your marriage. You just might lead by example.
Hedge 4: Don't be naïve. Most people who end up in affairs don't set out to have one. Infidelity usually begins with an innocent relationship that, in time, moves to an emotional depth that crosses a line of fidelity.
Hedge 5: Increase your investment at home. Solid marriages are built by spending time together, laughing together, and playing together. If you aren't dating your mate, set up dates for the coming months and make spending time together a priority.
Hedge 6: Pay attention to your thought-life. When all you think about is your spouse's faults, any other man or woman will look better. Make a list of the strengths that initially attracted you to your spouse. Increase encouragement and decrease criticism.
Hedge 7: Don't play the comparison game. We all make mistakes, have bad habits and annoying behaviors. When we compare a "new friend" to our spouse, it's an unfair comparison because we aren't seeing that person in a "living under the same roof, taking care of kids at 3 a.m., struggling to make ends meet" reality.
Hedge 8: Seek help. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. A Christian counselor can provide valuable perspective and help set new strategies for a marriage that can go the distance.
The young mom chatted with me after a Hearts at Home conference. "Have you ever thought about having a conference for stay-at-home dads?" she asked. "There's a stay-at-home dad in our neighborhood who's become my best friend. We take the kids to the park, shop, and even do our once-a-month cooking together. He's a great guy!"
Sirens, whistles, and red flags went off in my head. I wanted to scream, "No! Don't be naïve. Remove the blinders! Put boundaries in place and build a hedge of protection around your marriage!" It was obvious she had no idea about the danger of this seemingly harmless situation.
My husband, Mark, and I spend countless hours mentoring hurting marriages. We counsel others based on our own "back from the brink" experience many years ago when our marriage seemed hopeless. Many of these couples are dealing with damage caused by infidelity. The story is always the same: the unfaithful spouse develops a relationship that started as an innocent friendship. It was someone to talk to who listened and cared.
We know that story all too well. Even though no lines of unfaithfulness were crossed in our marriage, at the most difficult time of our relationship, I experienced attraction for a man I worked with. Luckily I realized the dangerous place I was in and got honest with Mark. We recognized the need for establishing boundaries in our personal lives that exist specifically to keep temptation at bay.
The Bible tells us that "each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death" (James 1:14-15). Temptation, enticement, desire, sin, death …. those are the steps infidelity takes. Because of that, we have to put boundaries in place that keep us from stepping into situations where temptation can take place.
As we talk to hurting couples about advance decisions needed to protect our marriages, we use as an example the line of trees along the west side of our house. The previous owners had wisely planted the trees to provide a hedge of protection against the winds that rage across the cornfields. When the hedge of trees was planted on our property, each tree was planted individually. As the trees grew in size and strength they worked together to protect our home from the unpredictable weather and wind.
In the same way, we need to plant a hedge of protection around our marriage, that is, we need to make advance decisions that will keep temptation at bay and the marriage a priority. Each hedge that we plant around our marriage will do the same. Each time we make one advance decision to protect our marriage we are on our way to building a marriage that is marked by faithfulness and on its way to lasting a lifetime.
Hedge 1: Choose wisely. Avoid unnecessarily spending time with someone of the opposite sex. For instance, if you're looking for a personal trainer at the local gym, choose someone of the same sex.
Hedge 2: Share carefully. If you find yourself sharing things about yourself or your marriage that you haven't or wouldn't share with your spouse, that's a red flag. Not all affairs are physical-an emotional affair is just as damaging.
Hedge 3: Stay in large, public settings. Determine not to meet one-on-one with anyone of the opposite sex. If your coworker asks if he or she can join you for lunch, ask a third person to join you as well. If necessary, don't hesitate to share the boundary you and your spouse have agreed upon in your marriage. You just might lead by example.
Hedge 4: Don't be naïve. Most people who end up in affairs don't set out to have one. Infidelity usually begins with an innocent relationship that, in time, moves to an emotional depth that crosses a line of fidelity.
Hedge 5: Increase your investment at home. Solid marriages are built by spending time together, laughing together, and playing together. If you aren't dating your mate, set up dates for the coming months and make spending time together a priority.
Hedge 6: Pay attention to your thought-life. When all you think about is your spouse's faults, any other man or woman will look better. Make a list of the strengths that initially attracted you to your spouse. Increase encouragement and decrease criticism.
Hedge 7: Don't play the comparison game. We all make mistakes, have bad habits and annoying behaviors. When we compare a "new friend" to our spouse, it's an unfair comparison because we aren't seeing that person in a "living under the same roof, taking care of kids at 3 a.m., struggling to make ends meet" reality.
Hedge 8: Seek help. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. A Christian counselor can provide valuable perspective and help set new strategies for a marriage that can go the distance.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Every Woman Should Have
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
one old love .....
she can imagine going back to...
and one who reminds her of how far she has come.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
enough money within her
control to move out andrent a place of her own
even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
something perfect to wear if
the employer or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a youth she's content to leave behind...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
a past juicy enough that
she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
a set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill,
and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
one friend who always makes her laugh ...
and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
a good piece of furniture
not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
eight matching plates,
wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal
that will make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW......
how to fall in love without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.....
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW......
when to try harder ...
and when to walk away...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.....
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips,or the nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.......
that her childhood may not have been perfect...
but its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW........
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW......
how to live alone...
even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOM AN SHOULD KNOW......
who she can trust,
who she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW......
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW......
what she can and can't accomplishin a day...
a month...and a year...
"People say what we are all seeking is the meaning of life...
I think what we're really seeking is the experience of being alive..."
Rudyard Kipling
one old love .....
she can imagine going back to...
and one who reminds her of how far she has come.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
enough money within her
control to move out andrent a place of her own
even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
something perfect to wear if
the employer or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a youth she's content to leave behind...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
a past juicy enough that
she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
a set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill,
and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
one friend who always makes her laugh ...
and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
a good piece of furniture
not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
eight matching plates,
wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal
that will make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW......
how to fall in love without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.....
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW......
when to try harder ...
and when to walk away...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.....
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips,or the nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.......
that her childhood may not have been perfect...
but its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW........
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW......
how to live alone...
even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOM AN SHOULD KNOW......
who she can trust,
who she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW......
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW......
what she can and can't accomplishin a day...
a month...and a year...
"People say what we are all seeking is the meaning of life...
I think what we're really seeking is the experience of being alive..."
Rudyard Kipling
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