A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wro ng and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
PARENT
Job Description
This is amazing. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, MaDad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION :Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in anoften chaotic environment. . Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a packed mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks! Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and embarrassed the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :None required unfortunately.On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Share this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do....or forward with loveto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
** AND A FOOTNOTE:
THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!
** If you are fortunate enough you will become grandparents
This is amazing. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, MaDad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION :Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in anoften chaotic environment. . Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a packed mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks! Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and embarrassed the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :None required unfortunately.On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Share this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do....or forward with loveto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
** AND A FOOTNOTE:
THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!
** If you are fortunate enough you will become grandparents
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Seven Kinds of Sex
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".
The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife/Hubby any more. She/He takes you to court and screwsyou in front of everyone.The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kind of sex - Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month. But not enough to live on!
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".
The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife/Hubby any more. She/He takes you to court and screwsyou in front of everyone.The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kind of sex - Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month. But not enough to live on!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Men
believe it or not!
Joy
Woman has Man in it; Mrs. has Mr . in it; Female has Male in it; She has He in it; Madam has Adam in it; No wonder men always want to be inside women! Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman.... Why? BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before:
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
MENtal illness MENstrual cramps MENtal breakdown MENopause GUYnecologist AND .. When we have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy.
Joy
Woman has Man in it; Mrs. has Mr . in it; Female has Male in it; She has He in it; Madam has Adam in it; No wonder men always want to be inside women! Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman.... Why? BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before:
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
MENtal illness MENstrual cramps MENtal breakdown MENopause GUYnecologist AND .. When we have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy.
Monday, May 12, 2008
23 Heartfelt Reasons I Will Always be Faithful to My Wife
“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” - Mother Teresa
Next month Mary Beth and I will celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary. Our marriage has been redefined several times over the years. We are not the same couple now that we were 23 years ago and, just as significantly, we are not the same people.
My wife and I have matured and our marriage has matured. Time will do that. Life experience will do that, too. Because of what we have seen and experienced in our marriage, we are better prepared, and willing, to meet each other’s needs while at the same time preserving what is important to us, personally.
There have been plenty of high peaks in our marriage when loving each other was natural and easy. There have also been some deep valleys when we thought we just couldn’t get it together. We have discovered each day we do have the choice to commit to one another. Each day we have the choice to remain faithful to the marriage - faithful not just with sexual fidelity; although that is very important, but faithful in an emotional sense as well.
This list of 23 reasons I will always be faithful to Mary Beth comes from my heart to hers. I hope you find some value in these for your own relationship, too:
1. She is my best friend. I would rather hang out with her than any one else I know. Our Saturday’s of running errands or taking a few moments to talk over coffee at Starbucks, is some of the moments I cherish the most.
2. She shows me I’m worthy to be loved. I don’t feel like I’m second choice in her life.
3. She takes me out of my comfort zone. Mary Beth challenges me and she doesn’t let me take the easy, or safe way out of a situation. She reminds me that to keep growing as a person, I must continue to face my fears and insecurities.
4. She is a terrific mother and parent. My wife is very connected with each of our four children. They all feel loved by her and each one knows they can go to her for help or guidance without fear or shame getting in the way.
5. She gives me all the time I need to work on this blog. Never a pouty reaction – just unconditional support.
6. She takes care of those who are hurting the most. Mary Beth just finished her MSW degree at The University of Kansas. She is devoting the next phase of her professional career to helping those who are in emotional pain and have suffered significant trauma. She wants the rest of her patients’ lives to turn out a differently than how they started.
7. She is the “handy-man” around the house. If it wasn’t for the special skills of my wife, I would spend a fortune paying plumbers and electricians to fix the things I don’t have a clue to repair; but Mary Beth does.
8. She believes in me. No matter the circumstances or challenges, her belief in me never wavers. I can tell by looking into her eyes she truly believes I can do whatever I set-out to do.
9. She has a forgiving heart. My wife doesn’t carry a grudge or harbor resentment for long periods of time. Once she has accepted my apology for something I have done, and has chosen to forgive me – she means it and she lives it.
10. I still get excited when I get to see her for the first time of the day. During the week, I wake up very early and head to work before Mary Beth starts her day. Sometimes it can be as late as 9:00 p.m. before we see each for the first time. My stomach still tingles with excitement when I know I’m only a few minutes from seeing her.
11. She tells me she loves several times throughout the day. Every phone call during the day ends with “I love you,” and the last thing I hear at night as I prepare to fall to sleep is my wife loves me.
12. I respect her. Considering all she done for me, our family and the tremendous effort she places in making this world a better place for everybody else, I can’t imagine doing anything that would disrespect that commitment. I can’t imagine doing anything that would disrespect her.
13. She watches baseball games with me. And she enjoys it; and she knows the players’ names; and she gets excited when the Kansas City Royals win!
14. I miss her when we are apart for a few days. Time away from each other is healthy and beneficial; the homecoming is ever sweeter.
15. She doesn’t mind listening to sports-talk radio in the car. I never get the raised eyebrow look that says, “You expect me to listen to that?”
16. Sometimes she actually thinks I’m funny. She appreciates my sarcastic wit and my occasionally well-timed comebacks. No courtesy laughs here – she gets my sense of humor.
17. She still likes to hold hands when we take our after-dinner walks. Our evening walks have always been a great source of connection for us. We use this time to discuss our days and to help each other process or solve problems. Holding hands while we walk makes this time that much more special.
18. She is both unassuming and confident. Mary Beth seldom takes herself too seriously and at the same time she emits an incredible inner strength and self -confidence that people in her life are drawn to and find comfort in experiencing.
19. Her “I want to be with you” look still makes me weak in the knees.
20. She loves to cuddle. At the end of the day, when the day’s responsibilities are behind us, we grab a few moments to just be with each other as we chat and cuddle while watching something mindless on television. A few golden minutes to be sure.
21. She never quits on herself, or on us. I’m often taken back by her strong will (and sometimes just plain stubbornness) to never give up. No matter the obstacles, or the pain, or the circumstances, she has the ability to reach down and find something more to help keep her moving forward.
22. She looks beautiful in a camisole. They say love is blind, but my wife is beautiful in so many different ways. The camisoles she wears in summer don’t hurt either!
23. I can’t imagine life without her. A life worth living is a life worth sharing. Sharing my life with Mary Beth provides so many blessings. My heart will always remain faithful to hers because it is constantly being filled with her love and grace. I have faith it will always be this way – no matter what.
Next month Mary Beth and I will celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary. Our marriage has been redefined several times over the years. We are not the same couple now that we were 23 years ago and, just as significantly, we are not the same people.
My wife and I have matured and our marriage has matured. Time will do that. Life experience will do that, too. Because of what we have seen and experienced in our marriage, we are better prepared, and willing, to meet each other’s needs while at the same time preserving what is important to us, personally.
There have been plenty of high peaks in our marriage when loving each other was natural and easy. There have also been some deep valleys when we thought we just couldn’t get it together. We have discovered each day we do have the choice to commit to one another. Each day we have the choice to remain faithful to the marriage - faithful not just with sexual fidelity; although that is very important, but faithful in an emotional sense as well.
This list of 23 reasons I will always be faithful to Mary Beth comes from my heart to hers. I hope you find some value in these for your own relationship, too:
1. She is my best friend. I would rather hang out with her than any one else I know. Our Saturday’s of running errands or taking a few moments to talk over coffee at Starbucks, is some of the moments I cherish the most.
2. She shows me I’m worthy to be loved. I don’t feel like I’m second choice in her life.
3. She takes me out of my comfort zone. Mary Beth challenges me and she doesn’t let me take the easy, or safe way out of a situation. She reminds me that to keep growing as a person, I must continue to face my fears and insecurities.
4. She is a terrific mother and parent. My wife is very connected with each of our four children. They all feel loved by her and each one knows they can go to her for help or guidance without fear or shame getting in the way.
5. She gives me all the time I need to work on this blog. Never a pouty reaction – just unconditional support.
6. She takes care of those who are hurting the most. Mary Beth just finished her MSW degree at The University of Kansas. She is devoting the next phase of her professional career to helping those who are in emotional pain and have suffered significant trauma. She wants the rest of her patients’ lives to turn out a differently than how they started.
7. She is the “handy-man” around the house. If it wasn’t for the special skills of my wife, I would spend a fortune paying plumbers and electricians to fix the things I don’t have a clue to repair; but Mary Beth does.
8. She believes in me. No matter the circumstances or challenges, her belief in me never wavers. I can tell by looking into her eyes she truly believes I can do whatever I set-out to do.
9. She has a forgiving heart. My wife doesn’t carry a grudge or harbor resentment for long periods of time. Once she has accepted my apology for something I have done, and has chosen to forgive me – she means it and she lives it.
10. I still get excited when I get to see her for the first time of the day. During the week, I wake up very early and head to work before Mary Beth starts her day. Sometimes it can be as late as 9:00 p.m. before we see each for the first time. My stomach still tingles with excitement when I know I’m only a few minutes from seeing her.
11. She tells me she loves several times throughout the day. Every phone call during the day ends with “I love you,” and the last thing I hear at night as I prepare to fall to sleep is my wife loves me.
12. I respect her. Considering all she done for me, our family and the tremendous effort she places in making this world a better place for everybody else, I can’t imagine doing anything that would disrespect that commitment. I can’t imagine doing anything that would disrespect her.
13. She watches baseball games with me. And she enjoys it; and she knows the players’ names; and she gets excited when the Kansas City Royals win!
14. I miss her when we are apart for a few days. Time away from each other is healthy and beneficial; the homecoming is ever sweeter.
15. She doesn’t mind listening to sports-talk radio in the car. I never get the raised eyebrow look that says, “You expect me to listen to that?”
16. Sometimes she actually thinks I’m funny. She appreciates my sarcastic wit and my occasionally well-timed comebacks. No courtesy laughs here – she gets my sense of humor.
17. She still likes to hold hands when we take our after-dinner walks. Our evening walks have always been a great source of connection for us. We use this time to discuss our days and to help each other process or solve problems. Holding hands while we walk makes this time that much more special.
18. She is both unassuming and confident. Mary Beth seldom takes herself too seriously and at the same time she emits an incredible inner strength and self -confidence that people in her life are drawn to and find comfort in experiencing.
19. Her “I want to be with you” look still makes me weak in the knees.
20. She loves to cuddle. At the end of the day, when the day’s responsibilities are behind us, we grab a few moments to just be with each other as we chat and cuddle while watching something mindless on television. A few golden minutes to be sure.
21. She never quits on herself, or on us. I’m often taken back by her strong will (and sometimes just plain stubbornness) to never give up. No matter the obstacles, or the pain, or the circumstances, she has the ability to reach down and find something more to help keep her moving forward.
22. She looks beautiful in a camisole. They say love is blind, but my wife is beautiful in so many different ways. The camisoles she wears in summer don’t hurt either!
23. I can’t imagine life without her. A life worth living is a life worth sharing. Sharing my life with Mary Beth provides so many blessings. My heart will always remain faithful to hers because it is constantly being filled with her love and grace. I have faith it will always be this way – no matter what.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Best Divorce Letter
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years, and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today, and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, then went straight to sleep after watching all your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want to have sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore. Whatever the case is, I am gone.
Your EX - Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It is true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week. The first thing that came to mind was, "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything, if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating steak seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and yourm new silk boxers were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So, when I discovered that I had>hit the lottery for Ten Million Dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that with your letter you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Rich and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla,my sister, was born CARL. I hope that's not a problem.
Change is good.
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years, and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today, and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, then went straight to sleep after watching all your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want to have sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore. Whatever the case is, I am gone.
Your EX - Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It is true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week. The first thing that came to mind was, "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything, if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating steak seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and yourm new silk boxers were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So, when I discovered that I had>hit the lottery for Ten Million Dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that with your letter you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Rich and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla,my sister, was born CARL. I hope that's not a problem.
Change is good.
Friday, February 15, 2008
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne .
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread makerThen she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".So I bought her an electric chair.
7. Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
8. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
9. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
10. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"....I said, "Dust!"
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne .
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread makerThen she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".So I bought her an electric chair.
7. Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
8. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
9. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
10. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"....I said, "Dust!"
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