BEFORE I WAS A MOM

Author Unknown
Apr 1, 2007

Before I was a Mom - I made and ate hot meals. I had unstained
clothing. I had quiet conversations on the phone.
Before I was a Mom - I slept as late as I wanted and never worried
about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth
everyday.
Before I was a Mom - I didn't worry whether or not my plants were
poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on, wet on, spit on,
chewed on, or pinched by tiny fingers.
Before I was a Mom - I had complete control over my thoughts, my body,
my mind. I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom - I never held down a screaming child so that
doctors could do tests, or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes
and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never
sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom - I never held a sleeping baby just because I
didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million
pieces when I could not stop the hurt. I never knew that something so
small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love
someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart
outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a
hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child. I
didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.
Before I was a Mom - I had never gotten up every ten minutes, in the
middle of the night, to make sure that all was okay. I had never known
the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderfulness, or
the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of
feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

Marriage

(Part I) Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said: "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not." (DARN SHE'S GOOD!) ************************************************
Marriage (Part II) Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!" "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!" (HE ASKED FOR IT!) *****************************************
Marriage (P art III) Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer to the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!" (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!) *****************************************
Marriage (Part IV) A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four." (RIGHT ON, LADY!) *****************************************
THE SILENT TREATMENT A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. *****************************************
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Why love goes wrong

By Grace Shangkuan Koo

Inquirer


I took post-doctorate studies at Harvard a few years ago and, as part of the course work in Adult Development, my classmates and I shared our life stories. All five of us had experienced marriage. But one had divorced after 12 years of marriage and another, after 22 years; one was childless, the other a single mother. A third had just reconciled with her spouse after a long separation; she was childless but had adopted two “difficult boys.” The fourth one was married but childless for 22 years. I remained the only one married with kids.
The last to speak, I was hesitant, wondering if my story would sound so different and be interpreted as boastful. I said rather quickly and softly that I counted myself of “good fortune” to have had a most supportive husband and two lovely, well-behaved teenage children (then aged 18 and 15). I recounted episodes of our life and my group mates sighed with envy, at the same time asking me to share more.

Since then I have had many more of the same experience listening to middle-age women in seminars and even in church groups. I have heard stories of divorce, separation, annulment, singlehood, single parenting, fighting over custody of the children, seeking revenge for spouse’s infidelity, etc.And I wonder: Why should my story be counted among the exception?

Loving the wrong person

I believe the problem of most failed marriages is caused by not giving sufficient thought to the trustworthiness of the other person, and also of oneself.
Trustworthiness should be the No. 1 consideration in deciding marriage—not looks, money, power, family, etc.
I am often amazed at how an otherwise intelligent, accomplished person can be so foolish in love, falling for obviously untrustworthy persons who are glib and glamorous but decidedly dishonest!
To commit one’s life and future to someone one cannot trust in the first place is marital suicide. One has also to consider if one’s self is trustworthy enough for a lasting commitment.

Love in the wrong place

It pains me to see on TV girls suffering from anorexia, women living for their 39th plastic surgery, liposuction portrayed as a standard procedure, botox injection seen as lunch break. To think that a makeover could get the best suitor or win back a philandering husband is self-destruction.
If an inflated bust or a deflated tummy makes one’s spouse change his mind so quickly about commitment and magically increase “his ability to love” another more and longer, one can be sure his love is not worthy.
And have we not noticed that even beauty queens and actresses, who possess more than their fair share of beauty, have also been betrayed and abandoned?Love is not about a higher nose, deeper eyelids, smaller hips or shinier hair.

Love for the wrong purpose

“Why do people get married?” I asked my graduate students in Adult Learning class.
The discussion was noisier than normal as everyone had an opinion: Social expectation? Build a family? Sex? Career move? Money? Convenience? Migration? Love?
The young talk of romantic love as if they know it best! The old talk of pragmatic goal much like they have lost faith in love.
Women dream of a family in picture-perfect sense. Men look for sex in progressive perfect tense!
Is there a purpose in marriage? Should there be one? Is unplanned marriage more romantic than planned? How much thinking should be involved in decision?The bottom line for me is: If one does not have the ability to love someone unselfishly enough to protect and cherish her/him, to look after her/his best interest—sometimes above his/her own—and to do so for a lifetime, I don’t think the relationship will last.

Love at the wrong price

When I hear people sharing tearfully about the hardships and pain that come with marriage, I wonder if marriage is actually a blessing for them.
Why the suffering and misery? Are we to be masochistic in love? Isn’t love supposed to be something wonderful and fun, and marriage and family a joy?
I suspect there are too many martyrs of their own making. I meet people whose self-esteem and confidence are so low, expectations so nonexistent that they are willing to put up with anything!
Not having experienced true love from their family, many are willing to throw away the most basic caution to the wind and have their last ounce of dignity trampled—for the cheap thrill of “love.”

Marriage is a partnership of two equals and the price that they give should not be unreasonably skewed to one side.

Love does not have to be blind. Blaise Pascal says, “Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too.”

Whoops

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
> > HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
> >
> > WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
> > HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
> >
> > WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
> > HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
> >
> > WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
> > HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
> >
> > WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
> > HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
> >
> > WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
> > HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
> >
> > WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"
> > HUSBAND: "I guess so."
> >
> > WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
> > HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
> >
> > WIFE: - - - silence - - -
> > HUSBAND: "Shit."

Relationship

This is a small story...
U may have heard it before...
But a nice thought to read...

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,
"Sweetheart,please hold my hand sothat you don't fall into the river."
The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand."
"What's the difference?" asked the puzzled father.
"There's a big difference," replied the little girl."
If I hold your handand something happens to me,
chances are that I may let your hand go.
But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter
what happens, you will
never let my hand go."
In any relationship, " the essence of trust is not in its bind, but ini ts bond."

So hold the hand of the person whom you love ratherthan expecting them to hold urs...
This article is too short..........
But carries a lot of feeling...... Think about it........

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been Dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view.It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

And the moral of this story is:
" Always keep your condoms in your car. "

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

1. Your last name stays put
2. The garage is all yours
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. You can be president
6. You can never be pregnant
7. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park
8. You can wear NO shirt to a water park
9. Car mechanics tell you the truth
10. The world is your urinal
11. You never have to drive to another gas station restoom because this one is just too icky
12. Same work, more pay
13. Wrinkles add character
14. Wedding dress $ 5,000 Tux rental- $100
15. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them
16. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
17. New shoes dont cut, blister or mangle your feet.
18. Phone conversations are over 30 seconds flat.
19. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
21. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough
22. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades
23. You only have to shave your face
24. You can wear shorts no matter how awful your legs look.
25. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife
26. You can play with toys all your life.
27 . You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier..