Yeah, sure, you love each other, but remember back when you were dating and your future spouse was totally hot? They still are! These easy tips will help you get your marital mojo back.

By Riann Smith

1. Flirt like it's your first night together.
Think back to those early days of dating. Every laugh, lingering look, or under-the-table leg brush was a guaranteed goose bump-giver. Well, you can turn back the clock to that supercharged premarried state by making a simple shift: Start flirting again. Ditch typical dinner convo topics like work, in-laws, and home renovations for entertaining stories or provocative questions like, "Imagine you could go anywhere in the world, right this second — where would it be?" If you're at a party, slink away, get a couple of drinks, and flirtatiously introduce yourself to your spouse like you're strangers. It may take them a second to catch on, but once they do, it'll set a sexier tone for the rest of the night — and remind you both that there's still a lot to discover about each other.

2. Make your spouse do a double-take.
It's a miracle that you find each other attractive in ratty sweatpants, but yep, you do. That's one of the brilliant things about being a couple—being so at ease in each other's company. But there's a line between being comfortable and letting yourselves go. (Hint: If you frequently show up to the dinner table in sweaty gym gear or go to bed with zit cream and prickly cactus legs, you're guilty as charged.)

We're not saying you need to haul all your loungewear to the nearest dumpster, but make a few tweaks to your routine that will give your partner a chance to ogle you. Break out that lingerie crammed in the back of your drawer. Wear something backless. Shave and put on a nicer shirt than usual when you go out to dinner. It's about showing your significant other that they're still worth looking sexy for. Chances are, they'll return the favor and both of you will reap the benefits.

3. Try something new (channel surfing doesn't count).
You and your better half love your Saturday morning routine (gym plus Starbucks) followed by your evening routine (Thai takeout plus Netflix), so why mess with scheduled perfection? Well, shaking things up every once in a while keeps the zsa-zsa-zsu in your relationship. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, couples who participated in activities that they both considered highly exciting but moderately pleasant had a bigger boost in marital satisfaction than those who did activities that were highly pleasant but moderately exciting.

So ban takeout-and-a-movie night once a month and jump outside of your comfort zone. Check out a concert you'd never think to get tickets for, explore a totally different part of town, or dare yourselves to try a new sport like rafting or repelling. The adrenaline rush you'll have from trying something new will be an aphrodisiac.

4. Pounce ... even when you're not in the mood.
If you're like most couples, weekday mornings fly by in a haze. You're rushing out the door and can barely remember to grab your car keys, much less say "bye" with half a bagel in your mouth. Then, at the end of an exhausting workday, it's a "hey babe, I'm home," followed by a flop-down on the couch. Sex? Who has time for sex? You're just too busy to get busy. But by skipping the most intimate act you and your spouse could possibly enjoy together, you're not doing your relationship — or your libido — any favors.

Here's why: Intercourse and orgasms trigger oxytocin, the "love hormone," to be released in your bodies, which makes you feel incredibly fused as a couple. Sex is also the gift that keeps on giving: The more you do it, the more you'll want to do it, so it actually stokes desire. So set that alarm clock a little earlier for some wake-up action, and put down that pint of mocha pecan postdinner and enjoy another kind of bedroom treat (better yet, bring in the ice cream too). You don't need Olympic-level performances — just enough enthusiasm to get that married mojo going.

Nestpert: Patti Britton, Ph.D., certified sex therapist and author of The Idiot's Guide to Sensual Massage

More from MSN Lifestyle Site Search: For additional articles on satisfying marriages, click here.

© 2009 The Knot Inc. All rights reserved.

By Tom Chiarella for Esquire
Updated: Apr 14, 2009

A man carries cash. A man looks out for those around him -- woman, friend, stranger. A man can cook eggs. A man can always find something good to watch on television. A man makes things -- a rock wall, a table, the tuition money. Or he rebuilds -- engines, watches, fortunes. He passes along expertise, one man to the next. Know-how survives him. A man fantasizes that kung fu lives deep inside him somewhere. A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. It doesn't matter what his job is, because if a man doesn't like his job, he gets a new one.

A man can speak to dogs.

A man listens, and that's how he argues. He crafts opinions. He can pound the table, take the floor. It's not that he must. It's that he can.

A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture. A man infers.

A man owns up. That's why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not.

Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt.

A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it's just to put an end to the bickering.

A man does not wither at the thought of dancing. But it is generally to be avoided.

Style -- a man has that. No matter how eccentric that style is, it is uncontrived. It's a set of rules.

A man loves the human body, the revelation of nakedness. He loves the sight of the pale bosom, the physics of the human skeleton, the alternating current of the flesh. He is thrilled by the wrist and the sight of a bare shoulder. He likes the crease of a bent knee.

Maybe he never has, and maybe he never will, but a man figures he can knock someone, somewhere, on his bottom.

A man doesn't point out that he did the dishes.

A man knows how to ridicule.

A man gets the door. Without thinking.

He stops traffic when he must.

A man knows how to lose an afternoon. Playing Grand Theft Auto, driving aimlessly, shooting pool.

He knows how to lose a month, also.

A man welcomes the coming of age. It frees him. It allows him to assume the upper hand and teaches him when to step aside.

He understands the basic mechanics of the planet. Or he can close one eye, look up at the sun, and tell you what time of day it is. Or where north is. He can tell you where you might find something to eat or where the fish run. He understands electricity or the internal-combustion engine, the mechanics of flight or how to figure a pitcher's ERA.

A man does not know everything. He doesn't try. He likes what other men know.

A man knows his tools and how to use them -- just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud, when to use galvanized nails.

A miter saw, incidentally, is the kind that sits on a table, has a circular blade, and is used for cutting at precise angles. Very satisfying saw.

He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn't winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation. He doesn't see himself lost in some great maw of humanity, some grand sweep. That's the liberal thread; it's why men won't line up as liberals.

A man resists formulations, questions belief, embraces ambiguity without making a fetish out of it. A man revisits his beliefs. Continually. That's why men won't forever line up with conservatives, either.

A man is comfortable being alone. Loves being alone, actually. He sleeps.

Or he stands watch. He interrupts trouble. This is the state policeman. This is the poet. Men, both of them.

A man loves driving alone most of all.

A man watches. Sometimes he goes and sits at an auction knowing he won't spend a dime, witnessing the temptation and the maneuvering of others. Sometimes he stands on the street corner watching stuff. This is not about quietude so much as collection. It is not about meditation so much as considering. A man refracts his vision and gains acuity. This serves him in every way. No one taught him this -- to be quiet, to cipher, to watch. In this way, in these moments, the man is like a zoo animal: both captive and free. You cannot take your eyes off a man when he is like that. You shouldn't. Who knows what he is thinking, who he is, or what he will do next.

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

(OPRAH.com) -- Physical attraction may be as old as time, but new studies are beginning to uncover the science behind sex appeal. Unexpected factors -- like biochemical odors, face shape and voice pitch -- just might have more to do with your choice of mate than anyone ever expected.

Karl Grammer and Elizabeth Oberzaucher are leading the research on the human scent's influence on sexual attraction. They've found that when women are ovulating, they produce copulins, a scent that attracts men.

The researchers believe when a man gets a whiff of copulins, his testosterone levels rise. As a result, he secretes androstenone, an odor that repels women who aren't ovulating.

"Bars and nightclubs across the world are the battlefield for this invisible biochemical war," Oprah Winfrey says.

Sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman says attraction has a lot more to do with science and evolution than people might think.

"We are innately all puppies in heat," she says. "We are capable of discerning 10,000 different scents consciously. But then there's a whole realm of unconscious scents that we're not even aware that we're smelling." Oprah.com: Get Dr. Berman's 5 steps to better sex

These odors let people know when a woman is fertile and when a man's testosterone levels are high, Berman says. As a result, individuals can tell when someone else is most ripe for reproduction. "It's all about survival of the species," she says.

One common complaint Berman hears among women with relationship problems is that they love their partner, but they're not in love with him.

"There is a difference between love and chemistry," Berman says. "Take a really good whiff of him without cologne when he's relatively clean. If that smell turns you on, that's a really good cue of chemistry." Oprah.com: Can the chemistry come later?

In one recent study, Berman says, researchers had women smell men's T-shirts. The women were most attracted to the shirts of men with a different major histocompatability complex (MHC) from them. MHC is a collection of genes that are related to immune systems.

"We unconsciously want to mate with someone who has a different immune system than ours because that helps with the survival of our offspring," Berman says.

The T-shirt study also found that women taking hormonal contraception were attracted to men who had similar MHC as they did.

"If you're on the pill, your body is being tricked into think you're pregnant, so you're not ovulating," Berman says. "The bad news there is that they have looked at these couples who have similar MHC, and not only do they have higher levels of infidelity and higher levels of marital discord, but they also have higher infertility issues."

Another unexpected factor that has been found to directly affect attraction is voice pitch.

Gordon Gallup, Ph.D., a professor at the State University of New York at Albany, says that women with higher estrogen levels have higher voices, which makes them more desirable to men. "When females are midcycle, when they're the most fertile, the most likely to conceive, their voices are rated as being significantly more attractive," he says.

It's hard to pinpoint what distinguishes a gorgeous face from an average one, but some researchers are getting pretty close. Psychologist Lisa DeBruine, Ph.D., of the University of Aberdeen in Scotland says she's found that women's faces get more attractive to men when they are ovulating. "We're not entirely clear why there's this difference, but we think that the women might look healthier, have a bit of a healthier glow when they are ovulating."

Symmetry is another factor that determines a face's attractiveness. Kendra Schmid, an assistant professor of biostatistics at the University of Nebraska Medical Center, says there is a formula for the "perfect" face. She uses 29 different measurements to determine someone's appeal on a scale of 1 to 10.

To start, Schmid says the ratio of the length of the face to the width of the face should be 1.6, also known as the golden ratio."The face should also be divided into three equal pieces vertically," she says. "The forehead, then [the bottom of the forehead to] the nose and then from the nose to the chin."

Who's face is the most "perfect," according to Schmid's measurements? No big surprise here! "Brad Pitt's is the highest that I've ever used the [formula] on," she says. "He was a 9.3 [out of 10]."

Brad's partner, Angelina Jolie, didn't fare too badly either. "Angelina was a 7.67, and that's pretty high," Schmid says. "Most people rate about 4 to 6. ... The thing that is probably lowering her score is the thing that she's most famous for -- her full lips." Schmid says that ideally the width of a mouth should be twice the height of the lips.

Other celebrities Schmid tested were Halle Berry, who scored a 7.36, and Hugh Jackman, a 6.45. "There's never been anyone who was a perfect 10," Schmid says. "If you're out there, we're looking for you!"

Not everything that goes into finding a partner is biological. Researchers have also found that if a woman looks at the face of a man whom she knows nothing about, she will give it a rating on a scale of 1 to 10 that's different than if she is shown the same face and a corresponding income. When a man makes a lot of money, a woman will rate him higher on an attractiveness scale than she would that same man with a smaller income. Oprah.com: What do women really want?

Berman says this isn't a case of women being gold diggers.

"It goes back again to evolution. When we were having babies who were very dependent on us, we couldn't hunt and take care of ourselves, so we were looking for the man who had the most social status, who was the best hunter, who was going to bring home the biggest chunk of meat for our babies," she says. "It's the same thing today."

Smell, voice pitch and face symmetry might be unconscious detectors of attractiveness, but if you're trying to consciously assess the future of a relationship, Berman says there's one surefire way.

"You really learn a lot from a kiss. ... Sixty-six percent of women say they would dump a guy after a bad first kiss," she says. "It's not only because you're getting that good whiff of him so you're seeing if you like the way he smells. All your senses are engaged, and you get a sense of his sensuality, his connection, whether he's a take-charge kind of guy or more of a stepping back kind."

When it comes to relationships, Berman says kissing frequency is a direct indicator of happiness. "It turns out that couples who kiss and cuddle regularly are eight times less likely to be stressed and depressed than couples who don't get that," she says. "You have to have a minimum of a 10-second kiss every day."

From The Oprah Winfrey Show

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TM & © 2009 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

All AboutRomance

Nine women spill the secret words of wisdom that keep their relationship blissful.
By Sara Anderson for Redbook Photo: iStockphoto.com/© Kevin Russ Updated: Apr 3, 2009

No doubt, there are days when you feel as though you deserve the "Best Partner in the World" award: You make sure dates with your mate stay fun, you settle arguments with amazing grace and you don't always go into whining mode when you find his dirty socks next to, rather than in, the hamper. How did you get so smart? You were given some stellar advice from friends and family. Here, the nuggets of relationship wisdom you've stayed faithful to over the years.

#1. Polite Fight

"On my wedding-invitation RSVP cards, I left space for guests to write their favorite wedding wisdom. The tidbit that rings truest after almost nine months of marriage is: 'Attack the issue, not each other.' How it works: If my husband and I disagree about something, we stay focused on the issue and skip the personal put-downs." -- Melissa Gitter Schilowitz, 31, Metuchen, NJ

#2. Fit to a Tee

"My grandmother insisted that I learn how to play golf. 'If your husband loves to play, you can go along and spend hours together,' she said. So I took lessons, and now my husband and I hit the links once a month. We both love the game and are thrilled to share a hobby, even when we spend half an hour looking for my out-of-bounds balls!" -- Aimee Borders, 27, Houston, TX

#3. Tabletop Trick

"My aunt told me that if I'm running late when it's my turn to make dinner, just set the table. That way my husband thinks he'll be eating any minute, so he doesn't start complaining, which buys me some time. It's a silly trick that sounds straight out of the 1950s, but I have to admit that I've tried it a few times in the three years I've been married -- and it works!" -- Dawn Clayton, 34, Holdrege, NE

#4. Boob-Tube Brilliance

"Because my husband is such a remote-control freak, my mom suggested that we have 'my turn' TV nights. That means three nights a week I get to hold the remote and watch whatever I want, and on the other nights it's his turn to hold the remote and watch whatever he wants. Now when he starts flipping through the channels, it doesn't get on my nerves like it used to." -- Angela Clayton, 27, Odenton, MD

#5. Pop the Question

"My sister-in-law passed this helpful hint on to me, and it has served me well for our five years of wedded bliss: 'Marriage is not mind reading, so ask your spouse what he/she wants and believe what he/she says.'" -- Clare Graca, 27, Dallas

#6. Nix the Nit-Picking

"Before I said 'I do,' my mom (who's been married to my dad for 55 years) told me to take out a piece of paper and write down the top three things that bugged me about my husband-to-be. Then she told me to forget the things on that list and forgive him for not being flawless. Once you make a commitment this big, she explained, you can't let petty things get in the way. In our eight years of marriage, my husband and I have had two kids, tackled cross-country moves and started two businesses -- and so far, so great."-- Rebecca Hart Blaudow, 31, Jacksonville, FL

#7. Space Smarts

"Always have separate closets, my best friend told me. It may seem silly, but I listened to her and made sure to find a one-bedroom apartment with two closets (mine being the larger, of course). Now my husband and I each have our own private space, and we respect that: If he wants to keep his shoes in one huge heap or leave his dirty clothes in a pile on the floor, the mess doesn't bother me a bit!" -- Patricia Bontekoe, 26, Lake Hiawatha, NJ

#8. Agree to Disagree

"Before we got married, my minister told my husband and me, 'You are two imperfect people making an imperfect union, and that's wonderful.' This advice made me ditch my belief that in a happy marriage, the couple always agrees. My husband and I have learned to appreciate our differences (yes, even differences of opinion!); in fact, we encourage them because we realize now that those differences are what makes each of us unique and special." -- Beth Swanson, 28, Chicago

#9. Comic Relief

"Before I headed down the aisle, my stepfather told me to always laugh and never take myself too seriously. After four years of marriage, I know that this trick works. My husband and I often play practical jokes on each other and always try to crack each other up, even in the middle of an argument. Hey, if one person laughs, a fight tends to fizzle, doesn't it?" -- Lisa Giassa, 31, Bogota, NJ

Anti-Pop Advice From the Experts

You've probably heard a few of these pieces of marital pop wisdom before. If so, these marriage experts say to promptly forget 'em.

Love means never having to say you're sorry. "Oh, please! In marriage, love sometimes means having to say you're sorry even if you don't know what you did or you didn't mean to do it." -- Trisha Taylor, psychotherapist, Houston, TX

Always be totally honest. "What are you going to do, tell him that he's just too short and you can't stand his mother? Sometimes you need to temper the truth." -- Tara Fields, Ph.D., marriage, family and child therapist, Marin County, CA

Children come first. "This is bad advice if it means your husband always comes second. Of course you should love and care for your kids, but you should never lose sight of your couple-ness. The best thing a child can have is happy, fulfilled parents who are deeply in love." -- Mary Pender Greene, chief of social work services, Jewish Board of Family and Children's Services, New York

Always keep the peace. "No, no, no. If you don't face a hot issue head-on, you'll stockpile negative feelings. And before you know it, 20 years go by and you're still fighting over the same thing because you never resolved it in the first place." -- Rebecca S. Ward, M.S.W., psychotherapist, Little Rock, AR

Never go to bed angry. "Forget it. Often a couple needs time to calm down before they can rationally wrap up an argument. And that may take a few days, so in the meantime, get some sleep!" -- Gilda Carle, Ph.D., psychotherapist, New York

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

(OPRAH.com)

One of the original Kings of Comedy, Steve Harvey is the host of one of the most popular radio shows in the country, "The Steve Harvey Morning Show." His first book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," is shooting to the top of the best-seller lists, and Oprah Winfrey says she loves everything it has to say!
Harvey says this book has a special meaning for him. "This is the first project that I didn't do for money," he says. "Other than my foundation -- mentoring programs -- everything I do is for money. I tell jokes for a check; I'm on TV for a check. ... But this [book] right here I did purely to empower women."
In his book, Harvey says the way a man introduces you gives good insight into the status of your relationship. If a man introduces you as a friend or says your name with no title at all, Harvey says you have nothing. "We're very protective. We mark our territory. If a man loves you...he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancée, his wife, his baby's mama, something," he says.
"If he's introducing you after six months, 'This is...Oprah,' you should be standing there going, 'This is going nowhere.'" Oprah.com: Read an excerpt from this best-selling book!

Man with a plan
Another thing women need to understand, according to Harvey, is that every man has a plan. "Men don't come up to you to just talk. We come up to you with a plan," he says. "We're looking across the room at you, and we don't care about your hopes and dreams. We don't care about what your future holds. We saw something we wanted."
When a man approaches a woman, Harvey says, he already knows what we wants from her, but he doesn't know what it will cost. "How much time do you want from me? What your standards? What are your requirements? Because we'll rise to the occasion no matter how high you set the bar if we want to," he says. "The problem is, women have stopped setting the bar high." Oprah.com: What's your love type?

The cookie
Though a woman might want many things from a man, Harvey says men only need three things: support, loyalty and sex. Or as Harvey calls it, "the cookie." "We've got to have your support. Whatever adventure we're out on, whatever pursuit in life, we need your support. Then we need your loyalty. That's your love. We've got to know that you belong to us," he says. "And we've got to have a cookie. Everybody likes cookies. That's the thing about a cookie. I like oatmeal raisin...but if you've got vanilla cream, I'll eat that too."

Kickin' it
In his book, Harvey tells the story of his father-in-law's first introduction to one of Harvey's daughter's boyfriends.
"[My 26-year-old daughter] was dating this guy who was about 30. He had been over to the house about four, five times. And my father-in-law was visiting from Memphis," Harvey says. "He's in the kitchen and he's eating and [my daughter's] boyfriend is in there, and [my father-in-law] goes: 'So, son, sit down. Tell me, what's your plan for my granddaughter?'" After plenty of hemming and hawing, Harvey says the boyfriend finally said that the two were just "kickin' it."
Harvey was pretty confident his daughter didn't have the same interpretation of the relationship, he says. "I said: 'Cool. Let's bring my daughter in there. Let's inform her that she's just being kicked...let's see if that's what she wants to do," he says. "They broke up the next day."

Gone fishin'
Harvey says men are like fishermen -- but women are actually the ones looking for a good catch. You won't be able to find one, though, until you up your standards. "You've got sports fishermen, and you've got guys out there fishing to eat. You've got guys that are fishing to keep the fish, and you've got guys that are fishing to catch them, unhook them and throw them back," Harvey says. "You've got to determine along the way which one of the fish you're going to be."
Without ironclad standards, Harvey says you'll always end up back in the dating pool. "You've got to quit lowering your standards," he says. "Set your requirements up front so when a guy hooks you, he has to know this is business."
And don't let the man set the pace of the relationship -- Harvey says it's always the woman who has total control. "With all that power, why do you suddenly relinquish this power just because you want a guy to accept you? That's stupid," he says. "Say: 'Look, if you want to be with me, this is what you got to do. This is what it takes to get to me.'"

When should you sleep with your new boyfriend?
As an auto plant worker, Harvey says he had to wait 90 days to receive benefits -- and says the same probation period should apply to dating. "In 90 days they checked me out. They determined if I was easy to work with, if I got along well with others, if I showed up when I said I was going to show up, if I was worthy."
Women, Harvey says, hold the greatest benefit of all -- the cookie -- so there's no reason to give it away until you know your man deserves it. "Slow down, ladies," Harvey says. "Look, you cannot run us off."
So what if you don't want to wait 90 days? Harvey says if you change the probation period, you do so at your own risk. "You all keep changing the rules. And men are aware of the fact that you are changing the rules. We're aware of the fact that you act desperate. We're aware of the fact that you think there's a good shortage of good men out there," he says.
"We play on all of that. ... We created the term 'gold digger' so you won't ask us for nothing. We created the term 'nagging' so you can quit badgering us. These are terms that we created so you can require less of us."

Mr. fix-it
Harvey says four little words can strike fear and dread into any man: We need to talk. "You just drove a nail in his forehead," Harvey says.
Men are fixers, not talkers, Harvey says, so it's better to get to the point. "When you say, 'We need to talk,' we put up the barriers," he says. "I tell ladies, just sit down and strike up a conversation." Oprah.com: How to talk to a brick wall

Turn off the text
Social networking Web sites and text messages can be a great way to keep in touch with friends, but Harvey says it's not the best way to date. "You have nothing if you're texting a guy in a relationship," he says. "We can text six women a minute. We can text it and push 'reply all.' I mean, since we're lying, we might as well lie to everybody."
If you want the relationship to be more, take it face-to-face. "Women talk about [how] chivalry's dead. Chivalry's not dead -- it's just not required anymore," he says. "You've got to get a guy in your face. Look in his eyes. ... God has given you all this incredible thing called intuition. You've got to use that."

Safety first
You know you've got a keeper when your man wants to make sure you're always safe, Harvey says. Every man wants to protect his woman, and Harvey says this instinct kicks in when his wife, Marjorie, scuba dives. "I can't go home without her. We've got seven kids between us," Harvey says. "They need their mother. I'm not a good mother at all."
Although Marjorie is a certified diver, Harvey isn't a swimmer. "I have a security guy who can swim," he says. "So [he puts] on the snorkeling gear and when she goes down, I tell him, 'You swim over and just keep an eye on my wife.'"
Harvey also has instructions for everyone else on the boat. "I told all the dive masters on the boat: 'If she does not come out of that water in 30 minutes, everybody in the water. Everybody. We're doing a dive search right here,'" he says. "I don't care if nobody [else] on the boat goes home. She goes home." Oprah.com: How to read his body language
From The Oprah Winfrey Show
E-mail to a friend

TM & © 2009 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Dating Question: Are You Having an Emotional Affair?

An email here, a smile there. Maybe that 'innocent' friendship with your guy friend isn't so innocent after all...

By Heather Johnson Durocher for Redbook
Photo: Pavel Losevsky Updated: Mar 24, 2009

Relationship alert: 82 percent of affairs happen with someone who was at first "just a friend," according to noted infidelity researcher Shirley P. Glass.

So... despite any obvious signs of cheating in your so-called friendship, ask yourself: Are you having an emotional affair?

You've Probably Crossed the Line if You...

1. Touch your male friend in "legal" ways, like picking lint off his blazer.

2. Pay extra attention to how you look before you see him.

3. Think crush-like thoughts like "He'd love this song!"

4. Tell him more details about your day than you do your partner.

5. No longer feel comfortable telling your mate about this person and begin to cover up your relationship.

6. Experience increasing sensual tension; you admit your attraction to him but also insist to yourself that you would never act on it.

It's About to Get Physical When You...

1. Find yourself feeling vulnerable and turn to the other man for support rather than to your mate or a trusted relative or girlfriend.

2. Accelerate the level of intimacy through sensual or suggestive talk over email or the phone.

3. Put yourself in a situation where the two of you could be alone.

You Can Avoid the Potential Affair if You...

1. Stay honest with your partner. Share with him all your hopes, triumphs, and failures -- as well as your attractions and temptations, which will help keep you from acting on them.

2. Make time for just the two of you on a regular basis -- away from the kids, your friends, and family.

3. Surround yourself with happy couples who don't believe in fooling around. Having positive, emotionally connected role models will help you stay on track.

Readers Reveal: "I Knew I'd Gone too Far When..."

"The guy who I was flirting with regularly over email attended the same event as me and my fiance. When I introduced them, my face flushed as red as a tomato -- I felt embarrassed and guilty about my fiance meeting this guy, so I knew what I was doing was wrong." -- Carolyn, 31, Westfield, NJ

"During one night of partying, my best guy friend and I confessed we had always liked each other. He was a perfect gentleman and left my place before we crossed the physical line. The next day I was completely embarrassed and knew that I didn't want to jeopardize the relationship with my boyfriend so I ended the friendship. And now the boyfriend is my husband, so I'm glad I did." -- Allie, 29, Yonkers, NY

"The cute tech guy who I'd been flirting with at my office said to me, 'You're not going to invite me in?' after I accepted a ride home from him. I liked the attention of him buying me vending machine snacks and complimenting me, but my husband would've had a heart attack if he knew." -- Amy, 38, Chicago

"My best guy friend and I were snuggled on his couch underneath a blanket when I realized that neither his girlfriend nor my boyfriend would be happy if they saw us -- and that our platonic relationship wasn't as platonic as we thought." -- Kim, 35, New Orleans

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

Mom's Song